Grieving Beyond the Surface: Are You Uncovering Hidden Struggles?
Grief is an all-encompassing, profound emotional response to loss, manifesting in various ways and impacting an individual’s mental, physical, and emotional well-being. While grief is a universal experience, it is often an overlooked aspect of mental health, rarely discussed with the same urgency or understanding as other mental health issues like depression or anxiety.
The impact of grief can be devastating, affecting every facet of a person’s life, from their ability to function daily to their relationships and overall sense of purpose. According to research, approximately 10–20% of people experiencing bereavement face complicated grief, where the intensity and duration of grief symptoms are significantly prolonged and interfere with normal functioning. Yet, despite its prevalence, grief remains a taboo topic, often relegated to the background in mental health discussions.
When someone we love dies, we tend to stop saying their name.
Sometimes, they become
“my friend”,
“my dad”,
“my sister”,
“my husband” or
“my pet”.
Their relationship with us becomes the most significant part of our identity.
People may avoid saying their names as if simply uttering them will trigger an onslaught of grief. But by saying their name, we may feel more inclined to share their stories and memories, keeping them alive in our hearts. We may also find ourselves avoiding reminders of them, struggling to accept their absence, or experiencing intense emotional pain.
This can manifest in unexpected ways, such as feeling a surge of emotion on seemingly ordinary days. You might find yourself managing a smile on a birthday or anniversary, only to break down in tears while standing in front of their favorite treat. Perhaps you're alone in a room, surrounded by their belongings, and the overwhelming scent of their clothes triggers a wave of sorrow.
These acts of remembrance are deeply personal and provide a sense of connection and comfort, even in the face of overwhelming loss. The emotional intensity of these memories can be both comforting and painful, as individuals navigate the delicate balance between holding on and letting go.
Types of Grief
Grief is a complex emotional response to loss. While it's often associated with the death of a loved one, it can arise from any significant loss, such as a job, a relationship, or even a dream. Here are some common types of grief:
Normal Grief: This is the most common type of grief, characterized by a range of emotions including sadness, anger, guilt, and acceptance.
Anticipatory Grief: This occurs before a loss happens, such as when a loved one is terminally ill.
Complicated Grief: This is when grief persists for a prolonged period and interferes with daily life. It may involve intense emotional distress, avoidance of reminders of the loss, and difficulty accepting the loss.
Disenfranchised Grief: This occurs when a person's grief is not acknowledged or validated by others. For example, a person may feel like they cannot grieve the loss of a pet because others do not understand their connection.
Absent Grief: This is when a person appears to be unaffected by a loss. However, they may be experiencing grief internally.
Secondary Grief: This is the grief experienced by those who are close to someone who is grieving.
Given the profound impact of grief on mental health, it is essential to raise awareness about the importance of understanding and supporting those who are grieving. By reducing stigma, promoting understanding, and encouraging support, we can help individuals navigate the challenges of grief and find a path to healing this National Grief Awareness Day.
One of the biggest challenges people face when dealing with grief is the unspoken pressure to 'move on' quickly. In many cultures, there's a belief that showing emotions is a sign of weakness. But grief is a natural part of life, and it's okay to feel sad, angry, or lost. By breaking down these barriers and creating a space where people feel comfortable talking about their feelings, we can offer the support and understanding everyone needs to heal.
A psychiatrist once shared that the key to healing from grief is to stay connected to yourself.
Don't let it become an excuse to hurt yourself.
Feel your emotions fully.
It's okay to listen to your favorite songs together and let the tears flow.
Visit places you shared, remember the good times, and the pain of losing them.
But remember, healing also means moving forward.
Find healthy ways to manage your grief.
Sleep is a powerful tool.
And remember, your brain is working hard to process your loss.
Take it one day at a time.
It's important to note that grief is a personal experience, and everyone experiences it differently.
There is no "right" way to grieve, and it's important to allow yourself to feel your emotions.
And with that, most people don’t understand how grief can change us.
You’re not the same person as before.
There’s the version of yourself before that grief and loss after.
Sometimes, your interests change, what you care about changes.
Maybe your entire perception of life changes.
Priorities change, but that’s not always a bad thing.
Here at Forward Counseling, we believe that there’s no silver lining in grief and loss, but there’s always more to gain in life as we move forward.
References:
Shear, M. K., & Friedman, M. J. (2023). Why does grief hurt? A systematic review of grief and depression in adults. Clinical Psychological Science, 11(3), 439-457. https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2023-30593-001
Stroebe, M., Schut, H., Stroebe, W., & Kessler, R. C. (2021). Evidence on the conceptual distinctness of normal grief from depression: A multi-faceted analysis of differential validity. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 130(8), 2062-2078. https://psycnet.apa.org/fulltext/2021-43101-001.html
Wortman, C. B., Silver, R. C., & Luo, L. (2020). A systematic review of studies describing the influence of informal support on grief outcomes. BMC Psychiatry, 20(1), 326. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12888-020-02639-4