Looking to have healthier relationships that last and don’t leave you feeling used and misunderstood? Experts say the key to maintaining the healthiest relationships (including within your job, your friendships, your romantic relationships, and even your family) is being a ruthless, unapologetic boundary setter. Simply put, setting boundaries promotes respectful relationships. According to coach Angelik Sims, “Boundary setting is the most important way to teach people how you expect to be treated.” I get it- this is easier said than done. Many of us (ahem- me) have people-pleasing tendencies that make getting into the habit of setting and sticking to clear boundaries feel uncomfortable and awkward.

Once I started working with my therapist on setting boundaries (and reading ALL of the relationship books I could get my hands on) I discovered sticking to my values not only felt less awkward- but exciting! The empowerment you feel after sticking up for yourself and showing others how you will stand to be treated FAR outweighs the fleeting moment of anxiety you may get from making someone else feel a bit uncomfortable for a moment (and if they weren’t treating you right, they SHOULD have to feel a moment of uncomfort, right!?)

Check out these awesome resources to get started on your journey towards being your own advocate, setting boundaries, and making the relationships worth keeping.

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

Learn how to accept who you are, find the strength to say “no,” and have more confidence in your own decision making by learning the key aspects of setting boundaries and the roadblocks that may be keeping you from doing so. Word of warning, this book does have religious undertones- but according to one reviewer on Amazon, “the advice and the selected quotes are so good, and the selected examples so relatable that even a secular humanist like me was able to gain immense benefits.”

Boundaries Workbook: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

Put your newfound insight into boundary setting to practice by delving into this workbook meant to provide an outlet for self discovery and the motivation you need to finally stand up for yourself.

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman

Words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts are the 5 love languages everyone and their mothers seem to know about now. Not everyone communicates love in the same way, and understanding your partner’s preferred way of receiving love is a great way to reduce resentments and make sure you are showing up for each other where it really matters. Looking for relationship coaching? Reach out to DeKimberly Butler for an assessment including analyzing love languages.

How to Get a Date Worth Keeping by Henry Cloud

Looking for a “how to” guide for getting past the dating habits that are likely the reason you’re never satisfied with your partners? Look no further. If you keep repeating the same cycles with dating, can’t seem to set boundaries in your relationships, and feel like you’re attracted to people who end up mistreating you, check out this book by dating expert Henry Cloud.

Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself by Nedra Glover Tawwab

Uphold your personal limits and identify the 6 types of boundaries with these educational tips and exercises. This is a straight up blueprint for the way to discover your boundaries and stick to them on a daily basis without feeling rude or awkward. You will close this book feeling confident and ready for the chance to tackle these conversations.

You can do this! Get started on your journey, and reach out to us for more info from amazing life and relationship coaches who are here to help you discover the steps to building the habits that will help you rediscover your worth and make the healthiest choices in relationships.